


The Hierarchy of Dumbshits

by preblematic



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Established Relationship, Idk just stupid cuddles, M/M, and maybe a little tiny bit of angst, but like microscopic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-01-10
Packaged: 2018-01-08 06:47:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preblematic/pseuds/preblematic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Levi’s mind, there was a hierarchy of dumb shits. First you had the ordinary dumb shits who just wandered their way through life in a bit of a haze, but didn’didn't really disturb anyone. Then there were the assholes who just made it their mission in life to be loud and hated by everyone except other assholes. And then there were fuckweasels, and the three men who he was looking at now were fuckweasels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hierarchy of Dumbshits

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous asked shipperwithakeyboard:  
> What about a cute Ereri fic where Eren is bullied by some other soldiers saying he is a monster, and Levi sorts them out, then takes care of Eren while telling him how much he means to him? Please <3

In Levi’s mind, there was a hierarchy of dumb shits. First you had the ordinary dumb shits who just wandered their way through life in a bit of a haze, but didn’t really disturb anyone. People like that Sasha girl. Then there were the assholes who just made it their mission in life to be loud and hated by everyone except other assholes. And then there were fuckweasels, and the three men who he was looking at now were fuckweasels. They were fuckweasels who had made his boyfriend cry. Granted they were tears of anger and frustration at being unable to rip their arms out, but still: fuckweasels.

He had found Eren in his room when he went back to change after getting soaked in rain during training. He had immediately demanded to know what was wrong—but in a totally caring boyfriend way and not like an angry psychopath at all. He kissed Eren on the head when he left and told him that he’d take care of it. How exactly he wasn’t sure, but he would.

Now he actually had to figure out what the hell he was going to do. It wasn’t like he could just punch them, because then he would have to explain himself. And given that Eren still refused to sleep in Levi’s room for fear of being discovered, he figured that that wouldn’t go over well. Maybe he could just vaguely threaten them, Yeah, that would totally work.

With a half formed sentence in mind he put on his best scowl, flipped up his hood, and trudged across the courtyard to where the three men were sheltering from the rain. They must have seen him coming because they straightened up and were silent when he got to them.

He leveled his best glare at the whole group. It probably wasn’t very intimidating given that he looked like a drowned cat and had to look up to do it, but they did all shift nervously.

”You the guys who were talking shit to Jaeger?” he asked. His tone made them all think very long about how to phrase their answers.

”W-why are you looking for them?” one of them asked,

”Oh, no reason,” Levi said, whipping around to face the man who had spoken. “They just made him uncontrollably angry and hindered our process for at least another day.” He turned back to the whole group. “And now I’m probably going to have to let the brat _vent_ or something, and when I find the three men—“he cocked his head to the side as though just realizing something”—who match your description to the ‘t’, by the way—I would really like to give them a piece of my mind and then maybe let Hanji do the same. I know she needs a few more assistants to help with the captured titans.” The three men visibly gulped. “I would also like to inform them that they are fuckweasels, and if they ever do something so mind numbingly idiotic ever again, I will personally truss them up like a bird and feed them to whatever the hell Hanji named them this time.

”Do remember that, and pass it along should you happen to find the men I’m looking for, won’t you?” The three men—who resembled sheets at this point—nodded. Levi smiled, and it was the first and last time any of the others would ever see it. He turned on his heel and walked away, putting his hood up against the rain.

When he returned to his room he found Eren curled around one of his pillows and mumbling something incoherent into it. Levi sighed and hung up his sopping cape. “Oi, Eren.”

Eren’s head popped up. He sniffed and blinked before clearing his throat. “What?”

”Don’t wallow in self pity,” Levi said. He took off one boot and literally dumped water out of it before removing the other one. “Those guys are shitheads.” Levi…Levi was not so good at the comforting thing. He was working on it.

Eren sniffed again and patted the spot on the bed next to him. Levi groused about how he would get the bed wet, and look! His hair was dripping, but Eren just narrowed his eyes and beckoned.

It was a little awkward given their height difference and Levi’s wet clothes, but Eren managed to climb into his boyfriend’s lap and curl up there, deflated.

Levi ran a hand through his hair and wrapped an arm around his waist. “I’m not _good_ with the feelings stuff,” he started.

”You don’t have to—”

”Shut up,” Levi snapped. Eren nodded and settled in to pay attention to his current seat’s words. “I’m not good at feelings, but I hope you know that you mean a lot to me. And I don’t think anything those fuckers said was true. You’re not evil or a monster; you’re just a kid who’s got a ton of shit to deal with.” He kissed Eren’s head again. “And—god I don’t want to say it, but—I’m here for you. That sounds even worse than in my head.”

”It really does,” Eren agreed. He ignored Levi’s grunt of “Asshole” and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. “But the rest of it was good. Levi?”

”Yes?”

”Can we stay here today? Do we have anything important to do?”

Levi sighed. They really did. Everything they did was important, to be honest. Levi sighed again and pulled Eren closer. “We can stay here as long as you want.”


End file.
